And so it begins...

[neverlosemyfocus]

Awareness came back to Siri slowly, like she was surfacing from the bottom of an incredibly deep lake. She was groggy, and confused, and felt a little like she was floating. She was exhausted... and there was no more pain, no more white hot aching in her ribs, in her hips, no more burning agony in her chest, so intense that it made it hard for her to breathe. That was... wrong, somehow. She... she should...

“For star’s sake, Obi-Wan, I’m dying. Do you have to interrupt me now?” There was something like humour in her voice, but it was a pale and reedy thing. She was dying. And he would have to watch her go.

“You’re not dying.”

Something occurred to her then, the sentimental idea of a dying woman, and she struggled to get into a pouch on her utility belt. Her fingers plucked uselessly at it, and fear, for the first time, stabbed through her. “I can’t... Get it for me.”

It took him a moment to realise what she was talking about, but he slipped her warming crystal, the one that Talesan had returned to her, and pressed it into her hand. A faint smile appeared briefly on her face.

“No... yours.” She turned her hand, letting the crystal fall into his palm. It carried memories of things they hadn’t spoken about in years, but it was the only thing she had. “Now I will never leave you.”

“You will never leave me,” he echoed.

It took all she had, but Siri reached up, brushing fingertips gently against Obi-Wan’s cheek, before her hand fell. “Don’t worry so much,” she told him softly. She knew him better, knew he would anyway, but she had to try. She had so little time. I don’t want to leave you. She could admit that here, now, at the end. So much wasted time. Her eyes fluttered closed as consciousness slipped from her grasp...

Memory rushed back in, and her eyes flew open. She was in a bacta tank. Which explained the floating sensation. And how she was still alive. Almost frantic (but not frantic, Jedi were never frantic), she pounded on the glass. Obi-Wan. Talesan. Their mission.

What happened?

Were they all right?

Had the mission succeeded?

She could see blurred figures outside the tank, but she didn’t know who they were; all she knew is that they weren’t Force sensitive. She reached out in the Force, seeking (Obi-Wan) someone, anyone familiar, even as she pounded on the glass harder. She needed out of this tank. She needed to know what happened. OBI-WAN. That she reached for him first, called to him first, didn’t bear dwelling on; and the thought that something could have happened to him since Magus shot her, since she’d almost died in his arms, since she’d been put in the tank, wasn’t one that even crossed her mind. He was there, she could feel him in the Force, bright and warm and familiar. And he could tell her what happened. How long she’d been unconscious.

She needed out of this kriffing tank.

She needed to see him.

Comments

[neverlosemyfocus]

She was all too glad to be leaving the medical bay behind for the time being. And his words answered one of her questions. The other... could wait until they were alone. There were too many people about. She nodded, slipping past him silently on bare feet with little care that she was going to be walking through the corridors in little more clothing than she’d worn as Valadon. His sweeping gesture made her smile; the soft, genuine smile of hers that was so much rarer than any of her others.

[master_kenobi]

He walks quietly at her side, his hands hidden in his robes, the stiff, formal pose of a Jedi in public.

He opens the door to her quarters and stands by to allow her to precede him inside. He doesn't relax his posture until they're both in the room with the door sliding shut behind them.

"So how are you, really?"

He knows her and she looked shaken.

[neverlosemyfocus]

He would be right. She was shaken. More than she had been in a very long time. As the door slid shut behind them she sank down onto the nearest available resting surface. She’d come so very close to becoming one with the Force. To dying in his arms... and it was proving to be something she couldn’t easily brush off. Ignore. No matter how... un-Jedi-like that might be. That she’d been in that bacta tank for an unknown amount of time, and didn’t know how their mission had ended, only made things worse.

But they were alive. And that counted for something. Meant more than her unsteadiness. Her disconcertedness. She looked up at him, blue eyes unnerved, haunted. “I’m alive. Beyond that, I... I’m not sure.” It was an honest admission; she couldn’t bring herself to do otherwise. But telling him how she was, aloud, putting that into words wasn’t something she was sure she could do. Even if he could sense it.

She had almost died. And he had almost had to watch her. She was unnerved, and confused, and rattled. There had been danger before. There had been dangerous situations that had been difficult to get out of. It wasn’t something Jedi were strangers to.

But this was different.

[master_kenobi]

"Then the mission had two successes," he said quietly. He wouldn't tell her about how things had unfolded after she'd fallen unconscious, when he felt her slipping away. He might never tell her.

[neverlosemyfocus]

She exhaled in relief. “We succeeded?” Not that she had done that much at the end. She had been too busy almost dying. “The mission wasn’t a failure?” She hesitated briefly, touching her tongue to her lips before asking her next question. “And Talesan? He’s all right?” He was... a subject she was unsure she should bring up. Not after all that had been said. They had an agreement.

But she wanted to know if he was all right. More importantly... “You’re all right?” He appeared to be. She just... wanted to make sure. Needed to make sure. That was all.

[master_kenobi]

"Talesan is fine," he murmured. "We're all fine."

Now, anyway. Now that she was with them again.

He glanced around. "I, um. I should let you get dressed," he told her, taking an awkward backwards step towards the door.

[neverlosemyfocus]

“Good. I... good.”

He started to move towards the door, only a step, but she reacted without thinking. “Wait. I... It won’t...” She frowned. She was out of sorts and no doubt sounding so kriffing awkward. “It won’t take me very long. I can just...” She glanced towards the adjoining room, where she was assuming the facilities were. “Please.” The word slipped out without her meaning for it to, but it didn’t really bother her. She would rather not be alone at the moment. Although she’d never admit it aloud.

[master_kenobi]

"Oh," he replied uncertainly, glancing at the other door. "Oh. Yes. Of course." He glanced around himself, then chose a chair to perch on the edge of. "I can wait, if you like."

[neverlosemyfocus]

She relaxed a little, giving him a small, crooked smile. “I... yes.” She scooped up her clothing and quickly retreated to the adjoining room. It was only when the door closed behind her that she slumped against the wall, staring down at the clothing in her arms. He’d said it had been repaired, and it had. There was no indication that she’d been wearing it when she...

When Magus has shot her.

She was shivering, although she didn’t notice, and her hands were trembling as she fumbled her way back into her clothes. She was alive. That was what mattered. Everyone had survived the mission. That was what was important.

Gathering herself, she made her way back out to Obi-Wan.

[master_kenobi]

"There," he said as she emerged. "Back to normal."

Except not at all. Because when she almost died, he almost Fell and he couldn't not acknowledge that. But not to her. Never to her.

But he may soon have to acknowledge other things to her. Things that caused it.

[neverlosemyfocus]

She gave him a crooked smile. “As normal as I get, anyway.” She was trying to tease, to joke, but it was a weak attempt. Because she wasn’t back to normal at all. Everything had changed. It felt like it had changed. What had been said couldn’t be taken back. And while she hadn’t said anything outright... she’d all but told him.

And she’d come so very close to dying. To becoming one with the Force. Danger wasn’t unusual, and neither was the threat of dying. But she’d never...

She’d felt herself slipping away. (From Obi-Wan.) From the Order. And he’d almost had to watch her go.

[master_kenobi]

His smile, a front like her joke, faded. He could feel her emotions, and they were uncertain. Melancholy.

"You don't have to jump straight back into your duties."

[neverlosemyfocus]

She looked at him, appreciating his words, his suggestion. She found herself... wanting to be able to take it. But... “I’m not sure I have the luxury to do anything else.” With the state of the galaxy... she might not have the choice. And it might be better for her to... keep busy.

[master_kenobi]

"Siri, you nearly died. You can't be expected to be one hundred percent already."

His voice was stern, but his eyes were concerned. She could probably see it.

[neverlosemyfocus]

She could (she knew him better than she knew most anyone, and she could read him just as well; she knew the concern was there), and it helped to chase away a little more of the cold, the shaken and out of sorts feeling that had haunted her since regaining consciousness in the bacta tank.

Her fingers drifted over where she’d been shot, before she pulled her hand away (realising what she was doing), and folding her arm across her ribcage. She didn’t know what to do; there were certain things the Order didn’t teach. Not specifically. How to properly recover from nearly dying was one of them. She was trying to accept what she was feeling, accept it and let it go.

But she couldn’t.

“How long was I... submerged in the tank?” How long had she been unconscious? How long since their mission had been completed?

[master_kenobi]

"A little over two standard weeks," he answers in a soft tone. His hand goes to the warming stone, closing around it and drawing it from the pouch on his belt again. "...Why did you want me to have this?"

[neverlosemyfocus]

Two weeks. She’d been floating unconscious in that tank for a little over two weeks. She isn’t surprised, because she almost DIED... but she still wonders just how much she’s missed while she was in the tank. What happened while she was unconscious.

Oh KRIFF. He has to ask that question. Out of every question he could have asked... why does he ask that one? Awkwardly, she looks away. “I told you why, when I gave it to you,” she replies quietly. “So I’d never leave you. So you’d have something of mine. Of me.” It all sounds like the sentimental ideas of a dying woman. But it’s the truth. And as close to a confession of feelings as she’d come since they’d spoken of it the first time all those years ago.

[master_kenobi]

"But you're going to live now. You wouldn't take it back."

He paused, vulnerable in this blatant violation of the Code, pressed on by him, not her.

"Why do you still want me to have it?"

[neverlosemyfocus]

She looked at him, blue eyes wide as they searched his face. She didn’t know what he wanted. Why was he pressing on this?

“Because I...” She faltered, wondering what this conversation was going to do to their friendship. “The sentiment hasn’t changed, just because I’m alive. I still...” Feel the same. Feel the same way about you. Twenty kriffing years, and she hadn’t managed to set aside, let go of her feelings for him.

[master_kenobi]

"I almost killed him," Obi-Wan blurted out. He hadn't intended to tell her. Perhaps ever. "I was going to kill him for killing you. Anakin stopped me."

[neverlosemyfocus]

His words took her breath away, sending her reeling for a completely different reason than she had been since waking up in the bacta tank. He had nearly... for her. Because Magus had nearly killed her, had ALMOST killed her. She was crossing the space between them before she’d even given it conscious thought, unable to look away from him.

What that meant, what that COULD mean, stunned her. Her hand found his cheek, gently cupping his face as she once again searched his eyes. "Are you all right?"

She knew how much that had to have... concerned him. Whatever the actions that he'd almost taken meant, her first concern was him.

[master_kenobi]

"Am I all right?" But of course she would ask and he knew why. The Fall. He'd stood on the edge of killing out of anger and that was the slipperiest of slopes. His eyes closed for a moment and then he nodded. "Yes. I'm fine."

[neverlosemyfocus]

It was a slippery slope, yes, but that wasn’t the main reason behind her asking. She was worried about him. HIM, not whether or not he would Fall. She knew he wouldn’t, however close he might have come to killing out of anger. Her faith in him was almost as strong as her faith in the Force. And stronger than her faith in herself at the moment.

It was why, too, that meant something to her. What it meant. She had been somewhat aware for a very long time (and extremely aware since their last mission together) that she hadn’t put aside her feelings for him the way they had agreed. Not as well as she should have. But she had buried them. Denied them. Refused to acknowledge them. Never acted on them once the agreement had been made. Done as much as she could even though there was no ridding herself of them.

“Good. I... Good.” She should move away from him, drop her hand from his cheek... but she didn’t.

[master_kenobi]

He was intensely aware of how close she was standing. Of her touch. Of her scent. Of her presence in the Force.

"It would have shamed your memory, if I'd given in," he whispered.

[neverlosemyfocus]

Oh Force. His words made her inhale softly, all too aware of him. She was standing too close, touching him for too long... but she couldn’t move. She didn’t want to move. “You didn’t,” she murmured softly. “You wouldn’t. And there’s no memory to shame.” Her thumb brushed lightly across his skin. “I’m right here.”

She was shaken, and a little lost, but she was there. And she wasn’t going anywhere.